I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
