taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
