its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
