Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
