I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
