Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
