I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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