Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
