and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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