She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
