Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
