woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
