Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
