I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
