I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
