Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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