Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
