dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
