We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
