I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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