at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
