I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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