I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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