somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
