Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
