I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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