Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
NoShamevember. You game?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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