3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
