he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
