You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
