Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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