you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
