I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
