so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
