we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
