he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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