In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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