every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
