What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
