a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
