Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
