it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
