just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
