U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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