i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
