So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
