So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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