It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
