I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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