God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's an acceptable place to lick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
