if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
