I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
