Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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