hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
