How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
