How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
