Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
